Worth Noting:
- Be careful to wait until after the temper tantrum is over to give your attention, or you may inadvertently reinforce the tantrum. Trying to reason with a child who is in the midst of a temper tantrum is futile. It only increases the likelihood of another tantrum in similar circumstances.
- Catch your child being good
- Monitor and describe your child’s appropriate behavior as you go about your daily routine. One way to practice this is to periodically check your child’s behavior and ask yourself whether or not you like the behavior. If you do, then describe it. Research also shows that parents’ positive attention during play helps reduce their child’s future negative behavior.
Trying to avoid reinforcing the child’s undesirable behaviors will make you a good parent. Sometimes children, especially those with dysregulated temperaments, can be so challenging that they exhaust their parents. Parents may unwittingly spend so much time attending to the negative behaviors that they become too exhausted to attend to desirable behaviors. For a better balance, work on avoiding or not attending to misbehavior. For example, don’t laugh at your child’s use of “bad words.” It increases the likelihood that the behavior will occur again.
Catch them being good. Give clear and simple directions. Ignore low-level, annoying behavior. Use time-out consistently for behaviors that can’t be ignored. Use reasoning carefully. Remember the power of your attention in increasing or decreasing negative behaviors.
During the preschool years, parents must provide control for children because children have not yet learned how to behave appropriately in different settings. This means that parents must structure the child’s environment to encourage appropriate behavior, and discourage negative behavior. They must also provide consistent positive or negative consequences for the child’s appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. During the preschool years, children learn many skills by imitating others.
Parents are important role models for appropriate behavior and self-control Ignore temper tantrums. Make sure the child cannot hurt himself or herself — by head-banging on the sidewalk, or crashing into furniture, for example — then go about your usual activities until the tantrum ends. This may take some time, especially for stubborn children. If needed, place the child in the playpen without toys, or a safe area on the rug. But stay within sight of the child so he or she does not become frightened. As soon as the tantrum is over, be sure to tell the child how glad you are that he or she is now calm.
Be careful to wait until after the temper tantrum is over to give your attention, or you may inadvertently reinforce the tantrum. Trying to reason with a child who is in the midst of a temper tantrum is futile. It only increases the likelihood of another tantrum in similar circumstances.
Catch your child being good
Monitor and describe your child’s appropriate behavior as you go about your daily routine. One way to practice this is to periodically check your child’s behavior and ask yourself whether or not you like the behavior. If you do, then describe it. Research also shows that parents’ positive attention during play helps reduce their child’s future negative behavior.
“You are making such a tall building with your blocks and playing so quietly.”
“You are holding my hand so nicely. It is fun to take you shopping with me.”
“You are getting in your car seat like a big boy. You are doing such a good job of keeping safe. That makes Mommy happy!”
Preschoolers quickly learn which behaviors please their parents and engage in those behaviors to gain their parents’ attention. Describing your child’s appropriate behavior can often prevent confrontations and temper tantrums. It helps children understand they can earn attention through positive behavior, and communicates not only what is expected, but provides an example of how to do it.
Individual differences in the expression of negative behavior exist from birth. These differences appear to reflect children’s temperamental characteristics. Some children are simply more irritable, colicky, easily overstimulated, unpredictable, and present more challenges in their internal emotional and behavioral regulation, while others are easy-going. Even the most skilled parent can have problems dealing with the temperamentally challenging child. The following suggestions have bee shown to prevent or decrease children’s negative behavior. Parents should not feel guilty if their child is one who makes it more challenging for them to implement these ideas.The best way to decrease many negative behaviors is to simply withdraw attention. Parents should be aware that when this is done, the behavior gets worse before it gets better. This happens because children always try to determine what it takes to get a response.If you lack patience, this is not a good technique. Attention given to the behavior, after attempts to ignore it, only makes the problem worse. Research shows that children learn that using even more extreme behaviors will get your attention if you give in when their behavior peaks. Also, ignoring is not appropriate for many aggressive or dangerous behaviors which need an immediate response
Use time-out for behaviors that can’t be ignored.
Time-out means removing the child from the possibility of getting positive attention. Place the child in a designated spot away from family activity, and certainly not in front of the TV. You can use a special chair; a corner marked with masking tape; or a safe, but boring room such as a guest room, or laundry or mud room. The child’s bedroom can also be used, if it’s not a place the child plays. Inform the child why he or she is going to time-out but don’t say anything else.
“Time-out for hitting your brother.”
“Time-out because you did not pick up your toys when I asked.”Use a timer set for two minutes, and no more than five minutes. Tell the child that he or she can come out when the bell rings, if the child’s behavior is calm and he or she remains quiet.If the child becomes disruptive during time-out, you can inform your child that you are re-starting the time-out for the entire length of time-out time. When time-out is over, be sure to notice and comment on the child’s appropriate behavior. Do not comment on the misbehavior other than to ask the child to do what he or she refused to do before time-out.You may have to repeat the time-out procedure several times to get compliance. Soon, however, the child will come to believe that when you say something you mean it. Research shows that time-out is an effective way to reduce negative behaviors. However, time-out must be done in a way that gives the parent control and does not accidentally reinforce the negative behavior.
By Wanjohi. P. Mugambi
